Suicide By Eating?

Dian's screamIt has been many months (years?) since I have written anything for my blog. I don’t even remember when I stopped but I do remember when I started eating lots again. It was the 6th of November when I was recovering from my left shoulder replacement. I was house bound, in pain and constantly hungry. I had just given up the last of a long history of opioids for the pain I’ve lived with for close to 20 years. I have had both hips replaced, one needed to be revised because the first one didn’t grow together. I’ve had my right knee replaced and now both my shoulders have been replaced. Six huge operations just for joints. Sigh. I am deteriorating and it is mostly my fault; for real not probably. So, what does a woman do for 8 weeks when her arm doesn’t work. Eat, watch TV and play games on Facebook.

I saw the doctor yesterday. It has been 6 weeks since I saw my regular doctor and I needed a prescription refilled. I’ve been avoiding her because my weight is way up, my blood pressure is high and I am generally cranky/depressed/angry. But my regular doctor wasn’t in so I saw her replacement. She was wonderful and called me out on all my health issues and wondered why I wasn’t doing anything about them. Crap! I have been asking myself the same thing. It’s not just one thing it’s a pile of things! Yes, I have been doing a lot of thinking about this but not much doing anything about it.

As I approach 65, I can’t even call myself “middle-aged” anymore because I will never live to be 126! I have started thinking seriously about a pile of life-altering stuff. Things I consider are: retirement; having enough money to live on; what to do to feel useful at my “age”; keeping the house up; and many more things that keep me from going back to sleep at 5am.

Would the future look easier if I knew I wasn’t going to live very long? Hell no! I want to be around my kids for a lot longer. I want to spend a lot of time on adventures with my husbandadventure. But I am going to have to consciously choose health over feeling sorry for myself and letting the depression take over for intelligence…and we all know how intelligent I think I am. I guess I should prove it to myself.

So, I’m not really suicidal but I am addicted to unhealthy eating. I love potato chips, bacon, bread of almost any kind and I hate a lot of vegetables like: kale, broccoli (I will eat the stems but I know the trees are better for me), cauliflower, Brussel sprouts, asparagus and spinach (most of the time). Heck, carrots are going to be my best friend and cucumbers but I understand I will have eat a lot of cukes to get much nutrition out of them but they’ll keep me full. Protein, good carbs and lots of water will be my mantra and “Heath by Eating” will be a good quote for me.

Thanks for listening!    Diane

 

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~ by 1fatgirlshrinking - Diane Kirby on July 5, 2018.

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