Truth Terror

I am scared crapless to go see the doctor today. My regular doctor, Michelle Fretz, won’t even be there but a locum will be. (Is locum short for loco – humble – replacement – doctor? Hmm – don’t know.) Why am I scared? You can probably guess. The last time I went to the office was three weeks ago and I had gained a crapload (standard measurement, metric is shitload) of weight since having my knee replaced in May. Sigh! And since I saw her last I don’t think I’ve lost a pound or even a gram. Woman on scale

I have a wonderful excuse for the lack of exercise – my physio said “Don’t..” But I have no excuses for eating the way I have been eating. How have I been eating? Evereating! Yes, I’m hungry all the time.

I am in terror of my own actions. I know all the actions I should be taking (yes, I just should on myself). So, why can’t I do them? Terror of what I may become? And what will/can I become? I’ll list a few options so you can see I’ve considered many angles:

Successful, Failure
Skinny, Fatter
Healthy, Ill, invalid (and invalid)
Loved, Unloved
Example, Cautionary tale
Proud, self-deprecating

These are just a few examples of what has gone through my head. But I will admit that writing even these few down have made feel better about bogging down (Notice I didn’t say failing?). I went to a counsellor many years ago and she asked me what kind of advice I would give to someone with my issues. I was full of answers but I couldn’t tell her why I didn’t/couldn’t take my own advice.

Terror of the unknown? Probably. So, what am going to do about it?

Face it, think positively, and just do it!

Thanks for listening.  ;D   Diane

~ by 1fatgirlshrinking - Diane Kirby on September 16, 2015.

One Response to “Truth Terror”

  1. I lost 50lbs so far x you got this! We all have ups and downs but as long as we keep going x we will get there

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