Be Yourself! Really?

I’ve always been told that the best way to be happy was to be “yourself”. Really? You know, you’ve heard it, “Just be yourself.” But myself isn’t the person I want to be. This all got triggered this morning because I’ve been beating myself up for not writing a post for a whole week. Most of you are probably relieved/disappointed not to see me in your inbox or on my Facebook page.  By the way, it’s OK to be conflicted.

twiggy

Crazy Twiggy
My Teenhood Role Model?

I was sitting here, feeling pretty good about myself, then I thought, “I need to touch up the grey in my hair” so… would that be changing myself? Yes and no. Yes, I would be covering my “real” hair colour but the real me would definitely colour my hair. It started when I was 13 for cripes sakes! My Mom was cool, I could wear nylons; makeup; “Summer Blond” my hair; and she made my mini skirts (it was the 60’s). So, even then, I was changing my outward face. A lot of how I present myself was formed from years of being a Navy Brat and moving to a new school almost every year. I learned to read the people around me and do what was necessary to fit in and be accepted. Fitting in made me happy. I believe the worst thing anyone could have called me wasn’t “fat”, because I was. It was worse if I was called “average”.

Well, I’ve done the major part of my hair and the timer is on. I’m thinking this is because I had to get my driver’s license renewed and I just got it in the mail. My picture is actually really good. They let say yea or nay to it in the Motor Vehicle office. It did look pretty good. I was so proud of it I showed it to Norm. I thought it was going to say it looked nice but, instead, he said, “Oh, it doesn’t look like you.” I stared at him not knowing what to hit him with. Then I started laughing. Isn’t what most of us aim for when we are trying to lose weight, colour our hair, put on the Spanx, use the really cool eyeliner?

Twiggy at 62

Twiggy at 62

Some will now say, “It’s all attitude.” I do like myself, some parts of me, physically, emotionally and mentally, but there are also parts I hate. Those I want to change or just lose. I’m never going be Twiggy. Thank God! But I think she’s probably dying her hair, too.

Every morning, when I go into the bathroom, I do not look into the mirror. I count my blessings, and I have many, and every night before I go to bed, I give thanks. That is part of who I am. So, I need to ask, “Who do I want to be?” Now I’m waxing philosophical. Does who include what? I want to be healthy (I am relatively), I want good friends (I am truly blessed), I want to be everything for my family (they say I’m amazing, then they giggle and hug me), I want to help people change their lives for the better (that’s why I do what I do), I want to be happy. Sigh. That is so subjective. What is happiness? Do I distill it down to that big smile and breathlessness when I see a spectacular sunrise or a doe and her fawns? Or is it making sure I have no money worries when I retire? Do I look at it long-term or moment but moment or it is happiness multi dimensional. Oops – Philomena Philosopher sneaking back in, sorry.

Well, I’ve got to go rinse my hair and look fantastic today. I’m going to walk around Swan Lake with my daughters, have brunch then go get pumpkins to carve. It will be an amazing day and I will be happy.

Thanks for listening. ;D Diane

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~ by 1fatgirlshrinking - Diane Kirby on October 20, 2013.

One Response to “Be Yourself! Really?”

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