Health Envy! Caring for My Own Well-Being…

Yep, I’ve got health envy! Yesterday, I went to my workplace and attended the first staff meeting of the school year. It was great to see everyone. I hadn’t seen anyone there since my surgery. Well, unless you count Facebook. It felt so good even though I had to get someone to carry my walker up and down the stairs so I could get around. Sigh.

Everyone looked so great and… healthy!

There is a new baby coming, foreign trips were taken, tans acquired and lots of bone games. They were so nice to me and I was feeling really good about being there but I was also learning why it’s too early to go back to work. I kept trying to do things I’m not supposed to. And…I hate asking for help. I haven’t been there, to work, since March and so much as happened and changed in the building and I feel like I missed so much. I stayed long enough to set up a course for others to teach and pick up a golf bag I should be able to use next year. Well, I didn’t physically pick up the bag, someone else put it in my trunk. More sighs.

Yes, I’m whining. I know everyone just wanted me to feel loved, comfortable and welcome but (And aren’t we supposed to acknowledge our true feelings?) I felt like I was imposing. I know inside my house I wasn’t but… Then there was what I felt when I got home. I was exhausted. I didn’t realize how the effort of a few extra activities would affect me. MEGA SIGHS! I try to listen to my body, it’s almost as loud as my doctors.

But I’m getting it. I am healthier than I was two months ago. I read an article that tells you how you can measure your well-being using four indicators: energy level, stress level, sleep quality, and self-esteem. Your (my) well-being changes over any period of time or activity and if you are aware of how well you are doing, you can adjust your activities and attitude and MAN, do I have attitude!

ENERGY LEVEL: I checked my energy level and sure, it was way down after my outing, but that’s “normal” in recovery so now I know what to expect. It was high when I was getting ready yesterday and the excitement (not quite “little kid” level but real) was there. And today, my energy level is what I would call “good”. Not like the day after a real aerobic workout, but good.

STRESS LEVEL: Yesterday it was very high. It was mostly self-imposed. I wasn’t required to be at the staff meeting – I wanted to be there. I was nervous about being there; getting around; driving in rush hour traffic, also know as the “Colwood Crawl”; then manoeuvring using the walker etc. It went well, then I rushed (as much as I was physically capable of) around checking things out, getting back down the stairs to the meeting, making sure I saw everyone and not forgetting anything. My stress level went way up and I even felt frustrated and almost teary, but that all went away after I just sat down and participated in the meeting. I guess I dealt with it. Making supper later was even minimally stressful and I rested a lot.

SLEEP QUALITY: Before the hip issue, I was a 6-7 hour-a-night person. I would go to bed around 11 or so and get up (without an alarm) just before 6. After the surgery, I can barely make it to 10 pm, even on weekend, and am up by 6. That’s 8 hours. That’s good, my body and brain need that. Last night, I crashed at 10pm and Norm woke me at 6:30 to tell me that coffee wasn’t ready. He was joking but surprised I was sleeping in – I almost NEVER sleep in. And it was a good sleep, I felt rested and I had a wonderful, adventurous, very colourful dream. It was easy to get up! I guess that was “good” sleep quality.

SELF-ESTEEM: This is always a difficult one for me. I think one of the reasons I had to go to my workplace yesterday was for my self-esteem. I felt I needed to feel part of something that mattered and even if I wasn’t working I was important – and I am!!! My friends and family make sure I know how much I am loved and cared for. It makes me smile. I’m a PERSON!!! I am not a thing. I have issues! Mental issues; health issues (in spades); body image; family; addiction(the threat of it actually); sometimes I even have writer’s block! But, considering all, my self-esteem is doing much better and I can thank the people I saw yesterday. The world does not revolve around me and the only person I have to impress is myself. I’ll work on that.

So, In the overall scheme of things, I’m a pretty happy little clam. My well-being is not too bad and getting better. I’ll take care of myself and accept the help of others. I can do this.

Thanks for listening. ;D Diane

~ by 1fatgirlshrinking - Diane Kirby on August 28, 2012.

2 Responses to “Health Envy! Caring for My Own Well-Being…”

  1. Dear Diane, we were so happy to have you at work yesterday! Thank you so much for coming and just being you. I’m not arguing with your feelings here, I just want to say that you are in no way a burden or imposition. If anything I wish you would say more often what you need for support because everyone here is so eager to help, if we just knew what to do! 🙂 We are counting the days until your return. Keep up the good recovery efforts!

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