Dealing With My Inner B*tch!

Anyone who knows me, knows, I usually do not self-censure. I swear. But I have to be careful of what I put in print so I don’t get kicked out of people’s offices/computers.

I am the daughter of a sailor and I DO believe swearing (and almost any behaviour) is both nature and nurture. I have one that is just as potty mouth as I am but she, too, has learned to be selective. Then there’s Norm. He almost never swears so when he does, you know he’s either really mad or he can’t put something back together, again.

Yesterday started out coffeeless and getting stabbed for blood tests. Actually, I didn’t even feel the needle and the little tubes filled up really quickly. Yea, I can do something really well. But, later, when I took the little puff-ball and tape off I had a hideous bruise. It’s going to take a couple of weeks to fade. Crap!!!! I hate when that happens. I can’t even blame the technician, it’s my leaky vein!

I got my coffee. It had been a fasting blood test so I hadn’t eaten in over 12 hours. For some people that’s not a big deal, for me, it is. I got the roving hunger. I could not think of one thing I was hungry for. I wanted to eat almost everything in the house. So I tried. I did go to physio and there was a wonderful plus to that. I’m allowed to drive my own car!!!!! Yeah! I have my wheels back. But the getting in and out is slow and I have to be very, very careful not to cross the midline; twist at the hips; or force my left abductors. (No, I don’t really know what I’m saying but it sounds like I do.) The down side, I still have to use the freak’n walker (note the avoidance of the swear word that was in my head).

I realized I was getting into B-Mode as I was driving home and had my music on extra loud! I have an amazing sound system in my Eclipse (Rockford Fosgate, like I know what THAT means!)! I was singing away with the cd’s when I saw people looking at me. My car was going, “Boom!” I turned it down a notch. Sigh! I really needed to play the theme from the original “Conan the Barbarian” and the Transylvanian Horses from “Van Helsing” or Bon Jovi! Sigh. By the time I got home I was uncomfortable from physio and uber-hungry again. I also wanted a Pandemonium (new beer from Phillips). I didn’t need beer or food. And it was hot – outside and in the house. It was hot on the deck and on the road. We’re not used to 34° (94°F) here in Victoria. Sweaty and cranky – I was losing it.

I had been planning to make a great supper – pulled pork sandwiches on pretzel kaisers with fresh Greek salad. After heating the pork, it became “fend for yourself”. No salad unless they wanted to make it for themselves. I wasn’t hungry anymore. I just felt so angry, cranky, pouty – let’s face it – “Bitchy’! I planted myself in my chair in the living room; the one with the orthopaedic cushion, the fan and the remote for the TV.

Norm asked me what was wrong. I told him that I was “Bitchy’ and not to bother me! I told him it was nothing he did; that he was wonderful; that it wasn’t something I could describe; it wasn’t any one thing; it wasn’t something he could “fix’ (Why do men think they have to fix everything?); that I did not want to talk about it; that he should (Yes, I should on him!) leave me alone and no one would get hurt. He started to apologize and try to make me feel better but I guess the “look” told him it would be safer to be elsewhere and off he went. I watched something on TV then went and laid down. I woke up an  hour later and felt way better. I poured myself a huge mug of ice water and went back into the living room. The sun was down and, in the twilight, there was a cooling breeze coming in the window beside my chair.

I had cooled off, physically and mentally. I do not know if any one thing set my inner bitch off but I dealt with it and I don’t think anyone got hurt. And we all know what B.I.T.C.H. means – Being In Total Control of Herself! I managed. I just hope it burned a few calories!

Thanks for listening. ;D

~ by 1fatgirlshrinking - Diane Kirby on August 17, 2012.

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