Dear Dear Doctor – I’m a Train Wreck

Times-Colonist 07 August, 2012

I had my annual physical this week. Well, on paper it’s my annual physical but because of all my health, hip and pre-op issues it was more like the rubber stamp and the annual embarrassing stuff and then the paper for the blood tests.

She is a saintly woman, my doctor, and a mother of two gorgeous daughters now both out of high school. Me, too! That they are grown doesn’t stop us from caring, worrying, doing for them, or writing embarrassing things on their Facebook. (Oh, wait, that’s me.) But she is very patient and firm with me. I gained a few pounds over the last three weeks and I’m beating myself up over them. She didn’t beat me up. She just gave me that look. You ALL know that look! I am the only one who can control my weight and eating and she knows it and so do I.

But I have so much wrong with my body! Did weight do it? Or (hope of hopes) did the stuff wrong with it make me fat? I know that’s not true. It seems like I’ve had health issues since I was 17. I was 200 pounds. I got sent out from Inuvik to Edmonton for a kidney biopsy. Yep, I was diagnosed with Glomerulonephritis  How does a 17-year-old get this? It seems I had a strep infection (all kids get those) and my body had an allergic reaction to it and it affected my kidneys. Sigh. Protein in my urine, high blood pressure and perhaps diminished kidney function in the future. I had acne vulgaris (Yes, just what it sounds like.) and I sprained my ankle so many times (volley ball and no pavement only boardwalks and dirt/mud streets) they put it in a series of really bad walking casts (Hmmm, bad news for knees and hips in the future).  Then hospitalized for a hematoma from the biopsy. Three hospitals in 2 months from Inuvik to Edmonton. I think they thought I might die. I lived and the class even made me valedictorian for grad!

Oh well, I made it to Victoria and 20 with no significant issues. Then I needed my right knee’s cartilage removed. I guess I tore it some time in my teens/childhood and it would lock. But it got fixed! I guess my weight made it worse. Then a positive PAP test in my early 20’s. That was scary but got fixed with a cone biopsy (no cancer!) but that actually caused scarring which prevented my children from being born naturally. Sigh. It was  snowballing! because of the Cone Biopsy I was told I may have problems getting pregnant (that wasn’t the way it worked, by the way) and because of the kidney thing I may not be able to carry to term if I did get pregnant.  Well, I got pregnant and carried both babies very well. I actually weighed less when I gave birth to Shauna that when I got pregnant. But, she had to brought into this world by caesarean because I had pre-eclamsia. Two years later, after a 12 hour trial of labour, Leanne came via caesarean, too. Oh well. I lost weight nursing!!! But it all came back with a vengeance when she got weaned. 28 years later and I’m still trying to lose the baby weight.

I’ve had, and have, so many health issues related to weight and apart from weight I’m going to just plain accept that losing weight will make me feel better. DUH! We have come full circle. I am train wreck and I will get off the tracks and get on the road to being healthy. (Insert long list of commitments and affirmations.) I will:

  • Make a list of things I CAN and WILL do
  • Eat healthy
  • Do what my health pros say! (Thanks Dr. Fretz!)
  • I will exercise everyday – as I am able and allowed
  • Look at myself realistically
  • Thank my friends and family daily
  • Shop healthy (buy only treats I won’t eat!)
  • Not deprive myself
  • Drink all my water
  • Pay attention to what my body is telling me
  • Continue to add to this list

Thanks for listening. ;D Diane



~ by 1fatgirlshrinking - Diane Kirby on August 9, 2012.

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