The People’s Food Court: Kirby vs The Food Industry

As I said the other day, Saturday and Sunday don’t look much different from Tuesday or Thursday except for the lack of People’s Court and Judge Judy. One network even calls it “Judgement Day”. We need a show on the Food Channel that is called, Food Court! It could have a cool bailiff like Officer Byrd and a neat judge like Judge Milian.

There are so many ways that food should/could/would be a criminal offence or at least the basis for a fun civil suit. After all, in the States, a woman spilled her coffee in her lap while in the car and it was too hot and she sued McDonald’s. She got over $700,000(true). But, we’ve all had: too much; too little; not as advertised; just plain bad, food!

Officer Byrd!

Did you know that McDonald’s muffins range from 360 to 450 calories? For one muffin! Criminal, I say! And a Caesar Salad there, with crispy chicken, is 450 calories. Now, how about Nutella? Nutella has been hit with a $3 million lawsuit because it said it was part of a balanced breakfast but has the same calories and nutritional content as canned icing! Read the Globe and Mail article! I love Nutella!

Officer Byrd: Judge, Case 2020, Kirby versus the Food Industry. Everyone be seated.
Judge: Ms Kirby, can you please tell me why you are suing the Food Industry for $100 million?
Me: Look at me, your Honour. I am suing the food industry because of false advertising, fraud and wilful intent to addict me and others.
Judge: A hundred million dollars seems excessive. Can tell me how you came to this amount?
Me: It’s $100,000 for a personal trainer, a nutritionist, a gym in my house, money to re-stock my kitchen with healthy and nutritious food, a vegetable garden, a new wardrobe and time off work to get to a healthy weight. The other amount is punitive because they do it on purpose!!!!!!
Judge: Food Industry, what do you say to this?
FI: What? We label everything. She can read can’t she? It’s her choice, we don’t force anyone to eat anything.
Judge:  OK. Ms Kirby, what evidence do you have?
Me: Look at me. I’m huge and I only eat the “Lite” versions of everything. Hot Chocolate Lite, Lite Margarine, Lite Ice Cream, Lite Beer, and Lite Baked Chips. Then there’s the sugar-free stuff. Sugar free burgers, sugar free yogurt, sugar free sugar and so on. And Fat-free, fat reduced or the really special one; “No Trans Fats”. When it says “No Trans Fats” it still has lots of fats and the connected calories. Unsaturated – non cholesterol – unsaturated fat has the same calories as trans and saturated fats! I also eat “healthy” foods. But they are so sneaky. Yogurt is supposed to be good for you but even the low fat kind has fat and lots of sugar and starch to make it thick. Healthy snacks like granola bars have more calories than most chocolate bars. Cane sugar is still sugar. Honey is a sugar. Sugar has lots of calories.
Judge: Is there anything else?
Me: I could go on for months.  There’s chemicals and flavour enhancers like monosodium glutamate and good old sat , AKA “Sodium” on most labels.
Judge: All right..
Me: Wait, there’s multi-portion packaging like three servings to a single bottle of juice. Two servings in a small bag of chips. Chocolate bar labels giving portions in squares but there’s 10 squares bar. Three crackers is not a serving but that’s how the label the nutritional content or lack of it.
They’re misleading us. Tricking us and telling our children that processed meat, crackers and plastic cheese is a healthy lunch. For God’s sake it has a shelf life of a year and keeps in their locker without turning green!!!!!
Audience: Yeah! You tell them! Boo on the Food!!!!!
Judge: Order, order in the court
Audience: We’ll take a triple pounder, mega fries and the 900 calorie vanilla shake!
(There is shouting and laughter and Officer Byrd moves menacingly towards the audience and they all quiet down.)
Judge: Food Industry, what do you have to say about this?
FI:  What is there to say? We only have the best in mind for our consumers. We want them to live long and productive lives so they can buy more of our products. It is every person’s personal choice as to whether to buy or consume any food product. We are not allowed to lie. We may reword, rewrite, invent, resize, revise, and hide but we are truthful. We never lie!
Judge: Ms Kirby, any last words before I make my decision?
Me: Yes! Stop the Industry from killing us!!!!!! Let the people become the Food Police!!!!! Freedom of information and honesty in all food!!!!!! (Much cheering from the audience! )
Judge: Order! (Bangs gavel loudly!) I’ve made my decision. Consumers should know better. You will have to read every label and know what is healthy for you and your children. You will have to accept responsibility for everything you watch, hear and eat! I find for the defendant. And for the Plaintiff – ZERO!!!!

OMG Read this label!

Sigh! I’ll work on it. Click on the Spam Lite to learn something awful!!!

Thanks for listening! ;D Diane

~ by 1fatgirlshrinking - Diane Kirby on April 30, 2012.

One Response to “The People’s Food Court: Kirby vs The Food Industry”

  1. […] to it. I am worried that it will be overwhelming and I’ll wish I was back home watching the People’s Court. And how well will I eat at work?  Will I remember people’s names? I am terrible at names. […]

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