Camouflage!

I do not want to fade into the background...

How do I hide it? “Hide what?” you say.

My shape, age, etc….I need to hide some things about myself.  I don’t mean I want to fade into the wallpaper but maybe hide some of my ample appleness. I found a company called Holy Clothing that sells medieval inspired clothes in sizes that range from extra small to 7X. Even a woman my size thinks 7X is very large. But they are pretty and maybe I want to camouflage myself as a medieval princess. I know I can’t wear spandex to go grocery shopping. But I can get jeans with spandex in them and then suck-it-up! Style Makeover HQ helps you find your vertical and horizontal body shapes as well as your face shape. It also talks about our bone structure and body flaws. I know I have an apple-shaped body, a moon face and a large bone structure.I also have quite a few “multitude of sin” clothes. But, of course, most of the clothes that cover “a multitude of sins” also cover most of your body in a non-flattering tent-like way.

“Fat is the new black!”

Tunics and not-quite-skinny pants look good. I can’t buy the sweat pants with stuff on the butt because I would need large print not wide load! maxi dresses are back for the summer. That will mean that I can look voluminous from neck to floor! Hmmm – maybe. And how about some camo as a bathing suit? I have a wonderful skirt that goes over any bathing suit and there are always board shorts, right? Tee hee hee. A woman my age in board shorts???? I would look better in a surfboard rather than on one!

I recently read that should be wearing a minimizer bra to hide how big my chest is. Seriously? If I wore a minimizer bra I would be one measurement from shoulders to now non-existent belly button. I tried a nice wide belt but I looked like a balloon animal. I loosened it and wore it kinda angled around my imaginary hips and that looked cool. Stripes, dots, patterns – I don’t know. My Mom used to wear a brightly patterned top when she went to buffets because it would hide all the food she spilled down the front of herself- real camouflage. She was legally blind but she loved food and buffets. Smart woman! I sure miss her.

“A waist is a terrible thing to mind!”

Stretch marks, scars, birthmarks, wrinkles and rosacea – there are so many flaws! I like that we can call wrinkles “character lines” but they’re still wrinkles. I’m lucky in that fat cells produce estrogen so I don’t have many wrinkles on my face. I actually like my eyes and only have to hide the baggage once in a while. Skin Camouflage.com has all kinds of information for the issues that affect quite a few of us. This is not Vogue or Cosmo where all you have to do is camo dark circles and the fact you’re wearing the same dress from the night before. This site is wonderful and has examples, explanations and solutions! I, personally, own at least 3 types of “cover-up” makeup.

Oh, hell, I’ll just go commando. Actually, don’t commandos wear lots of make-up? "You can't see me!"

Thanks for listening! ;D Diane

Advertisements

~ by 1fatgirlshrinking - Diane Kirby on April 16, 2012.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

 
%d bloggers like this: