The Nerve!

I have been whining about my sciatic nerve – a lot! Well, it’s been a bit better but sometimes it still bites me in the bum (butt for all my American friends). Last night I did some awesome weight training with a bar.  I liked it and my shoulders are telling that they will eventually like ,too. I was even able to do some step aerobics. It was a low step but I could actually go up and down without the screaming pain in my left hip! Of course that means I also sweated like the oft-mentioned horse. The mother of a friend of mine told me when I was much younger: that horses sweat, men perspire and ladies glow! Well, I was glowing like a horse.

It was all good but I have new anxiety this morning and it’s hitting an all new nerve.  I have an appointment with the weight doctor today. I haven’t lost much (if any) since the last time I saw him.  I had lost lots then backslid 30 pounds.  Most of those are gone but the guilt puppies are rearing their cute little heads. Dr Amson is an amazing weight loss doctor and goes the extra nine yards to find the right procedure and support for all of his patients. His office even phoned twice to make sure I was able to make my appointment because they have at three people waiting for an appointment at any given time. But I am expected to accept responsibility for myself! So far I’ve only lost 70 pounds.  That sounds like a huge amount but not the projected goal of 2 years ago. Now we’ll see if my BMI has gone down.  I can feel more muscles under their warm layer of padding (AKA Fat!).

I have so much guilt because I got slipped in for a sleeve gastrectomy on a cancellation right before Christmas. Most of us morbidly obese people are on waiting lists for 5 or more years. I got bumped up because of a cancellation and Christmas! I can live with turkey soup and a wee bit of mashed potatoes…but 2 years later and I’ve discovered a whole bunch of things that cancel out the good side: evereating, foraging, Pringles, chocolate, any kind of cocktail…

Nerves, anxiety, guilt…I’m going to run the gamut of fearful emotions this morning.  I bet if I test my blood it will be high, too! And I was really good last night! No chocolate, fries or wine! Whine.  Yep, that’s what I’m doing. Well the hell with that noise.  I’ve got the nerve to tell you all about this and will pass it on to any of Dr Amson’s clients, too.  This is the reality of being a true human with all my flaws, inspiration, padding and hope.

Thanks for listening!  ;D Diane

~ by 1fatgirlshrinking - Diane Kirby on February 15, 2012.

2 Responses to “The Nerve!”

  1. I am really inspired, by you and your blog. Takes courage to do it and to write about it. I look foraward to reading about how it goes with the doc.

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